It’s Midnight and Going to Rain

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It’s almost midnight and I am sitting in my balcony (which by the way is on the 33rd floor, so you can only imagine the breathtaking view) doing my nothing thing as usual.

The sky has dark looming clouds
and it is going to rain soon.
I see the lightning and all of a sudden I am
in a very familiar sad and nostalgic state.

That lightning blow felt like a dream shattered,
a happy thought smashed.

It’s rare because I have come to understand
all situations in life,
almost being happy with whatever happens, even if the plan fails.
I have come to believe it when I say ‘Whatever happens happens for good;
because God has a better plan’.

But this lightning and thunder is making me blue;
making me remember something that I have lost,
something that I am missing and something that
I have broken beyond repair.

That brightness is a sting in the heart.
Yes, it is directly reaching there,
under my skin and through my soul.
I am so restless. Someone is flashing my darker side
in front of my eyes, trying to make me realize
that I am not such a good person.

Until now, I gave myself the reason
that people are unfair to me and
so I am unfair to them.
I used to wonder why it never calmed me,
never satisfied me.
Today I know.

In solitude, I encounter a dialogue
with the soul, my true self.
This restlessness cannot be pacified
with vengeance.
So I say sorry.
I remember the times I have done bad
and I accept it and I feel sorry.
And I am at peace.

I am calm, the restlessness gone
and I see that silver lining
and those thunders.
Oh, I am awestruck. 

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